


daddy's home (7)

by jjgyeomie



Category: GOT7
Genre: Canon Compliant, Chatting & Messaging, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Content, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-02-04 18:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12776655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjgyeomie/pseuds/jjgyeomie
Summary: The Real JYPchangedidab7’s name toLeast Favourite Son!Least Favourite Son: MOM WTFLeast Favourite Son: yugyeom is RIGHT THERE





	1. yakjiwa jungjireul biteureo (west side, west side)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zayndotcom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayndotcom/gifts).



> this fic literally would not exist without [sorcha's](https://twitter.com/jaebumisbald) influence. @sorcha: love u hoe ♡ @everyone else: blame her.
> 
> chapter length will vary, overarching plot is In Progress, i have 4 chapters written so far (expect yugbam and jarkjae (LOL)), & i will update every monday and wednesday until i run out of ideas. please enjoy ur stay and thank u for travelling with jjgyeomie airlines!!

**> no jaebeom? no problem (6)**

 

**3:14 AM**

**yugYUM** changed the chat name to **$HOW M€ TH€ MON€¥** (tongue emoji)(water droplet emoji)(money with wings emoji)(money bag emoji)!

 **yugYUM** changed their name to **juniorflo**!

 

The Real JYP: imma let you finish but

 

juniorflo: old meme hyung thats ₩1000 in the Trying To Be Cool jar

 

The Real JYP: 1. excuse me the only junior here was and is yours truly

The Real JYP: 2. its three fucking am and we have a schedule at 7

The Real JYP: 3. im NOT gonna let you finish its THREE FUCKING AM and if nora wakes up and i dont get my beauty sleep youre gonna cry harder than you ever did on realgot7

 

juniorflo: damn jb only left for the jungle like 3 days ago and ur already this pissy

juniorflo: his dicc must rly be bomb (eggplant emoji)(water droplet emoji)(bomb emoji)(heart-eyes cat face emoji)(smirking face emoji)

 

 **The Real JYP** has removed **juniorflo (Kim Yugyeom)** from **$HOW M€ TH€ MON€¥** (tongue emoji)(water droplet emoji)(money with wings emoji)(money bag emoji)!

 

The Real JYP: if anyone adds him back i swear to god

✔︎ Seen by idab7, mr worldwide, 0Jae

 

**7:30 AM**

The Real JYP: thats what i fucking thought

 

 **Mark Tuan** has added **Kim Yugyeom** to **$HOW M€ TH€ MON€¥** (tongue emoji)(water droplet emoji)(money with wings emoji)(money bag emoji)!

 **Mark Tuan** changed **Kim Yugyeom** ’s name to **fuck you jinyoung**!

 

idab7: S-S-S-SMACKDOWN

 

The Real JYP: doyoung wouldnt treat me like this

 

Mark Tuan: **@fuck you jinyoung**


	2. (i said) i'm coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Least Favourite Son** : ew mom dont sext dad in the groupchat we dont need to know abt ur kinks
> 
> **The Real JYP** : disowned
> 
> **father of 5** : disowned
> 
> **fuck you jinyoung** : SO IN SYNC WAHHH  
>  **fuck you jinyoung** : JJSOULMATES
> 
> **The Real JYP** : you too
> 
> **father of 5** : you too

**> daddy’s home (7)**

 

**9:15 AM**

daddy: i feel like i would be a lot more comfortable with this chat name if yugyeom hadn’t been the one to set it

daddy: oh god who changed my name

 

mr worldwide: obviously jinyoungie weve all heard u two

 

idab7: nah it was me lol

idab7: if jinyoung hyung did it we all know itd be oppa

 

**The Real JYP** changed **idab7** ’s name to **Least Favourite Son**!

 

Least Favourite Son: MOM WTF

Least Favourite Son: yugyeom is RIGHT THERE

 

 

**> ♡JJ Project♡ (2)**

 

**9:19 AM**

jaebeomie ♡: nyoungie help me i’m not an admin i can’t change my name

 

jinyoungie ♡: oh shit right you got kicked from the chat when you went to the jungle i guess you got kicked as admin too

jinyoungie ♡: dont worry ive got this

 

 

**> daddy’s home (7)**

 

**9:20 AM**

**The Real JYP** changed **daddy** ’s name to **father of 5**!

 

Least Favourite Son: ew mom dont sext dad in the groupchat we dont need to know abt ur kinks

 

The Real JYP: disowned

 

father of 5: disowned

 

fuck you jinyoung: SO IN SYNC WAHHH

fuck you jinyoung: JJSOULMATES

 

The Real JYP: you too

 

father of 5: you too

 

 

**> ♡JJ Project♡ (2)**

 

**9:22 AM**

jaebeomie ♡: …… nyoungie why

 

jinyoungie ♡: after bams stunt this morning theyre sure as fuck not MY kids

 

jaebeomie ♡: babe please just make me an admin that’s all i wanted

 

jinyoungie ♡: why are you looking at me like that

jinyoungie ♡: oh my god stop POUTING its not cute youre not cute

 

jaebeomie ♡: i’m not cute? :(

 

jinyoungie ♡: FINE you big baby

 

 

**> daddy’s home (7)**

 

**9:25 AM**

**The Real JYP** has made **father of 5** an admin!

**father of 5** changed their name to **father of 3**!

 

mr worldwide: excuse u jaybee we are BROTHERS

 

father of 3: i’m not talking about you snakes nora kunta and odd are my only children

father of 3: got7 whomst this is jj project

 

fuck you jinyoung: jb hyung in bed: ooh yeah jinyoung… shake it and shake it for me

 

Least Favourite Son: KSFHJSGK GYEOMIE

Least Favourite Son: "cmon now let it bounce bounce" ON MY DICK

 

fuck you jinyoung: I JUST WANNA MAKE YOUR BODY MOVE

 

father of 3: please kids as if we’d fuck to anything but teenager

father of 3: whose moans did you think those were in the first place

father of 3: now everyone shut the fuck up and get in the car we have to leave in 5

 

The Real JYP: J A E B E O M

The Real JYP:

 

 

**> honorary hyungline (5)**

 

**9:41 AM**

otter: hyungs why are yugyeom and bambam crying about bleaching their eyes

 

peach: WHATEVER YOU DO DONT CHECK THE GC

 

otter: too late

otter: wait is that... sfw sasuke

otter: ₩5000 for the Trying To Be Cool jar this time

otter: but i’ll let it slide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i started writing this fic when jb was filming lotj lol


	3. naege Mary Jane dwae jundamyeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **The Real JYP** : wang jackson you will be hearing from my lawyers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i know this chapter is Teeny Tiny BUT! that's to contrast the fact that wednesday's update is gonna be a FEAST!!!

**> daddy’s home (7)**

 

**4:18 PM**

**fuck you jinyoung** is typing…

 

The Real JYP: KIM YUGYEOM IF YOU SEND THAT MESSAGE I SWEAR TO GOD

The Real JYP: YOUVE NEVER EVEN SMOKED POT

 

mr worldwide: u know who has tho

 

The Real JYP: d o n t  y o u  d a r e

 

mr worldwide:

 

Least Favourite Son: IM  C RYI GN R EAL TEARS

Least Favourite Son: GYEOMIE JUS T DROPEPD HSI PHONE HES LAUGHIGN SO HA RD

 

The Real JYP: wang jackson you will be hearing from my lawyers

 

**4:20 PM**

Mark Tuan:

Mark Tuan: 420 blaze it

Mark Tuan: bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really starting to wonder how this fic looks on mobile
> 
> also before anyone tries to come for me i want it on the record - you literally cannot tell me that mark tuan, rich boy mark tuan, cali-born-and-raised mark tuan, has never smoked a joint in his life  
> what im trying to say is: this is canon bye


	4. na hanbeon tteumyeon geim da jeongridwae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Least Favourite Son** : ₩100 says mark hyung throws something he shouldnt be throwing
> 
> **father of 3** : who the fuck bets ₩100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alt title: Little Cock VS. Chicken Little
> 
> sidenote i meant to do this earlier but um Big shoutout to [traitor6 + youngjae](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11740227), an iconic got7 chatfic i have been inspired & influenced by ... @[badlifedecisions](http://archiveofourown.org/users/badlifedecisions) if ur reading this thank u for all u do for this fandom & god bless ur hsm au xoxo

**> daddy’s home (7)**

 

**6:45 PM**

father of 3: i opened this chat in front of jimin and she laughed at me for 10 minutes

father of 3: and then told jae hyung and he tried to kinkshame me

father of 3: JAE

father of 3: KINKSHAME *ME*

father of 3: THAT FURRY LOVING FUCK

father of 3: i’m changing the goddamn chat name

 

mr worldwide: mark hyung started laughing so hard hes crying

mr worldwide: “JAE KINKSHAMED SOMEONE I CANT BREATHE”

mr worldwide: “THAT FURRY HEADASS”

 

**father of 3** changed the chat name to **Park Jaehyung Must Die**!

 

father of 3: day6 has lost a member before i’m sure they can handle losing a second

father of 3: **@The Real JYP** **@mr worldwide** are you with me

 

mr worldwide: dream high 3… at long last

 

0Jae: jae hyung told me coco wasnt as cute as dowoonie’s dog

0Jae: i’m in too

 

Mark Tuan: im sorry He Did What

 

**Mark Tuan** has added **Park Jaehyung** to **Park Jaehyung Must Die**!

 

Park Jaehyung: what the fucj

Park Jaehyung: im too pretty to die what is this

Park Jaehyung: i could tkae mark in a fight we both skinny ass motherfuckers who else is here

 

Mark Tuan: where are you

 

Park Jaehyung: vocal room why

 

Mark Tuan: b e t

 

Park Jaehyung: bring it noodle boy

 

**Park Jaehyung** has left **Park Jaehyung Must Die**!

 

mr worldwide: MARK HYUNG JUST SP R I N T E D OUT OF HERE

mr worldwide: IS ANYONE CLOSE TO THE VOCAL ROOMS SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET THIS ON VIDEO

mr worldwide: WHERES BRIAN WHEN YOU NEED HIM

 

Least Favourite Son: ₩100 says mark hyung throws something he shouldnt be throwing

 

father of 3: who the fuck bets ₩100

 

fuck you jinyoung: hes broke he bought those uglyass solid gold flip flops u said not to buy

 

mr worldwide: EXCUSE ME WHO IS GOIGN TO VIDEO THIS HISTORIC MOEMNT

 

The Real JYP: i think all of day6 is practicing today im going to make wonpilie livestream this to me

The Real JYP: come join me in the dance room... family movie night

 

mr worldwide: IM RUNNIGN

 

The Real JYP: whos gonna win this

 

mr worldwide: MARK

 

father of 3: mark hyung

 

0Jae: mark hyung!! (sparkling heart emoji)

 

fuck you jinyoung: mark

 

Least Favourite Son: mark hyung

 

The Real JYP:

The Real JYP: bet

 

 

**> that one time in training (2)**

 

**7:01 PM**

youngk: Listen

youngk: come collect ur marknae Immediately

 

defsoul: lol what’s he done to jae hyung

 

youngk: murder him?? idk idc

youngk: but after he threw the piano bench at jae they started swearing at each other in english and now my MAKNAE is asking me what ‘motherfucking cunt’ means

youngk: mark hyung has jae in a headlock sungjin hyung wont stop laughing wonpil is facetiming ur husband and i dont feel like risking my life today

youngk: so u best come collect ur hyung like ten minutes ago

 

defsoul: wait jae hyung hasn’t sworn in front of dowoonie before?? even youngjae knows that shit

 

youngk: hes a precious angel now Did I Fucking Stutter

 

 

**> Park Jaehyung Must Die (7)**

 

**7:18 PM**

**Mark Tuan** changed the chat name to **Park Jaehyung Is Dead**!

 

father of 3: so is the piano bench you threw at him

father of 3: i liked that bench

 

0Jae: YOU THREW WHAT

 

Mark Tuan: youngjae i did it for us

Mark Tuan: i did it for our daughter

 

0Jae: how am i supposed to raise her alone when youre in prison hyung

 

**fuck you jinyoung** changed **0Jae** ’s name to **single mom**!

 

single mom: damn it

single mom: just keep those child support payments coming **@Mark Tuan**

single mom: the gucci dog sweaters dont come cheap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's about to go broke buying the pointless but beautiful 7 for 7 repackage AND day6's moonrise??? that's right it's me hold your applause


	5. hajima haji haji haji hajima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Least Favourite Son** : im not taking sides jy hyung is pettier than u hell spit in my cereal
> 
> **The Real JYP** : you think so lowly of me
> 
> **The Real JYP** is typing…  
>  **The Real JYP** is typing…  
>  **The Real JYP** is typing…
> 
> **The Real JYP** : actually no i did that last week youre right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's always drag jb hours in this household, and probably also got7's
> 
> sorry for missing that monday update y'all it's Finals and she's dead (i'm she)

**> Park Jaehyung Is Dead (7)**

 

**6:32 AM**

**The Real JYP** changed the chat name to **morning kimchun :)**!

 

Mark Tuan: LOL

 

mr worldwide: did someone say vintage jb hours i was put on earth for this specific moment

mr worldwide:

mr worldwide: smash or pass fellas

 

fuck you jinyoung: SMASH

 

Mark Tuan: pass

 

Least Favourite Son: pass

 

single mom: pass

 

The Real JYP: p a s s

 

fuck you jinyoung: werent u alrdy smashing tho

 

mr worldwide: Believe Me They Were

 

father of 3: o h my god

father of 3: i swear the two of you exist to give me heart attacks why did i wake up to THIS

father of 3: JACKSON JINYOUNG IT IS 2017 LET IT DIE

 

The Real JYP: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The Real JYP: every selfie you post on instagram is a living reminder

 

mr worldwide: glad ur FINALLY back on insta tho

mr worldwide: defjeffb is dead long live prdsdef 

 

single mom: IM CRYING I ALWAYS FORGET THAT PART

single mom: DEFJEFFB

 

**single mom** changed **father of 3** ’s name to **JEFF**!

 

JEFF: youngjae you’re my favourite and i love you but why

 

mr worldwide: youngjae ur my favourite and i love u and this is why

 

single mom: (sparkling heart emoji)

 

Mark Tuan: (sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)

 

mr worldwide: (sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)

 

fuck you jinyoung: we get it yallre in love

 

The Real JYP: did. did you just type “yallre”

The Real JYP: i need a minute

 

JEFF: a n y w a y

JEFF: **@The Real JYP** **@mr worldwide** STOP bullying me defjeffb is dead and gone!!! my angles have gotten better!! my captions are better!!!!

JEFF: **@Least Favourite Son** back me up on this

 

Least Favourite Son: im not taking sides jy hyung is pettier than u hell spit in my cereal

 

The Real JYP: you think so lowly of me

 

**The Real JYP** is typing…

**The Real JYP** is typing…

**The Real JYP** is typing…

 

The Real JYP: actually no i did that last week youre right

 

Least Favourite Son: IM SORRY U WAHT

 

fuck you jinyoung: ^^^^^

fuck you jinyoung: <<<<<

fuck you jinyoung: I KISSED THAT MOUTH

 

The Real JYP: sucks to suck kiddos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on next week's episode: we properly explore yugbam &/or jarkjae *eyes emoji* *sixteen heart emojis*
> 
> ALSO [TEENAGER (PERFORMANCE VIDEO)](https://youtu.be/MPhAEcLaiNs) LITERALLY MURDERED ME MERRY FUCKIN CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY


	6. doljikguro malhalge I want you! be my babe!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moon♡: Well  
> moon♡: do u remember that time i explained the american dating concept of bases to jaebeom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: ok jarkjae groupchat chapter let’s GO  
> also me: fuck …... nicknames ………. what even comes in threes uhhHH
> 
> Behold, in order of appearance:  
> > **star♡: jackson wang** aka our rising star who shines so brightly!!! if ur reading this pls a) Stop, Now and b) drop ur solo album asap thank u  
>  > **moon♡: mark tuan** , two-faced but in the cute way, Definitely the boyfriend lookin out for/after the others  
> > **sun♡: choi youngjae** \- self-explanatory, been putting the sun out of business w his smile (and his VISUALS) since 1996
> 
> also uh Heads Up i didnt expect to venture heavily into this territory buuuut i think this chapter ended up a lot ~sexier~ than the others - think, like, the time they talked about bounce & teenager in chapter 2, but for most of the chapter instead of a few throwaway lines. if thats not ur cup of tea maybe wait for wednesday’s yugbam roasting session!! ♡ love u all let’s get it!!!

**> ♥︎ㅅ **♥︎**  (3)**

 

**1:14 PM**

star♡: ok i wasnt going to say anything but this has gone on long enough

star♡: and by long enough i mean i forgot to mention it when u posted but for like the 3rd time ur new ig post has just been Present Edition

star♡: **@moon♡** babe did u forget ur password and the marketing team wont let u log in and reset it like

star♡: u dont even reply to baby jaes texts as fast as uve been updating the gram

 

moon♡: no but close

 

star♡: ?????

 

moon♡: the scariest marketing noona found some new old footage

 

sun♡: ...footage like what

 

moon♡: Well

moon♡: do u remember that time i explained the american dating concept of bases to jaebeom

 

sun♡: yea and then he went and wrote a song about iOH MY GOFD

sun♡: NO FUCKING WAY THEY RLY HAVE THTA ON TAPE

 

star♡: I MSCREAMIGN DID YALL KNWO THERE WAS A CAMERA

star♡: WAIT DIDNT JAYBEE START TALKIGN ABOUT NYOUNGIE

 

moon♡: unfortunately yes

moon♡: his exact words were sth like ‘ok wait so hypothetically where would fucking someones thighs be on this scale… HYPOTHETICALLY’

moon♡: if youre wondering its probably third

 

sun♡: hyu n g s im

 

moon♡: so now unless i want the world to know that our leader wrote and composed, and we all sang, a whole song about him finally fucking jinyoungie

moon♡: its as many promo posts as she tells me to

 

star♡: i cabt breath e

 

moon♡: jacks pls

moon♡: also noona just sent me my new orders im about to post some 1st Look pics and one of them is the one on the bed that you were yelling about being soooo hot n shit

moon♡: if u comment “WHY ARE YOU SO DADDY” again i swear ill beat your ass

moon♡: and not in the good way

 

star♡: hmmmm and if i dont comment?????

star♡: whats in it for me

 

moon♡: guess that depends on how often you need to sit down this week

 

star♡: W H Y A R E Y O U S O D A D D Y

 

**1:38 PM**

moon♡: wait **@sun♡** where are you baby did u die

 

sun♡: sorry im back my neighbour knocked on the door bc she thought i died from how loud i was laughing

sun♡: and then from how loud i yelled when i saw ur brand new ig posts

sun♡: re: asses and bases hyung is out until dinner we dont have any more schedules and ive been thinking about the oral kind of third since u sent us those 1st Look previews yesterday

 

moon♡: leavign now see u soon

 

star♡: IM OMW DONT U START WITHOUT ME

 

sun♡: no promises (sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drag me if u want but home run is Absolutely about fucking/the base system no printer jus fax !!
> 
> Coming Up Next: yugbam vs jinyoung, roast edition (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ happy monday everybodyyyy


	7. wreul yeopeuro giuryeo (east side, east side)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Least Favourite Son** : no1 appreciates my sophsistificated humour
> 
>  **Princess Peach** : why bother dragging someone when they can just do it themselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> making emojis work on ao3 is a bitch and a half pls appreciate my sacrifice y'all
> 
> Bigger Than Usual shoutout to [sorcha](https://twitter.com/jaebumisbald), my rock, my angel, the mark to my jackson, represented in this chapter by kim yugyeom himself (minus the petty that shit is All Me)

**> morning kimchun :) (7)**

 

**12:03 AM**

fuck you jinyoung: hey yall happy monthaversary of the best name ive ever had in this chat

fuck you jinyoung: **@Mark Tuan** hyung thnk u again i love it

fuck you jinyoung: and thx for wrecking so much shit predebut lol jinyoungs always too scared 2 change the names u set

 

The Real JYP: yugyeom are you still in your room in this apartment.

The Real JYP: asking for a friend

 

fuck you jinyoung: ya whats up bro

fuck you jinyoung: oh shBTKGJSJ

 

Mark Tuan: l o l

 

**12:11 AM**

Least Favourite Son: rip the dumbass loml

Least Favourite Son: sometimes i can still hear him s c r e a m i ng bc we were on a call when jy decided 2 commit murder holy shit \

Least Favourite Son: its been 10 min hyung wat r u Doing to him

 

The Real JYP: : - ) dont worry about it

 

Least Favourite Son: .

 

JEFF: ……..……………..

 

Mark Tuan: come n get it got6

 

 

**> (lipstick kiss emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(yellow heart emoji)(green heart emoji) yb project (blue heart emoji)(purple heart emoji)(two hearts emoji)(One Hundred Emoji) (2)**

 

**12:15 AM**

eastside: b a be fr are u ok

eastside: jy hung up on me when i kept yelling ‘child abuse’

 

westside: im alive

westside: idk if ill ever b ok again but im alive

westside: i cant believe chan bothered saying jb was scary we all kno who puts u in a chokehold n its not jb

 

eastside: rt

eastside: also if ur life flashed b4 ur eyes it better have been at least 65% me or were getting a divorce

 

westside: b a m i e

 

eastside: ill take that as a yes luv u too xoxo

eastside: thinking abt chatnames tho why has no one tried 2 change jinyoungs name yet his false sense of security is making him too powerful

eastside: and by no1 i mean me

eastside: its not like hes mark im not gonna get a laptop 2 the head

 

westside: ……… babe…………… i barely survived jus now

 

eastside: ok but consider:

eastside: Princess Peach

 

 **westside** changed **eastside** ’s name to **Kunpimook ‘Genius’ Bhuwakul**!

 

Kunpimook ‘Genius’ Bhuwakul: (kissy face emoji)

Kunpimook ‘Genius’ Bhuwakul: r-fucking-t

 

 

**> morning kimchun :) (7)**

 

**12:27 AM**

Least Favourite Son: sup my dudes it is time 2 defend my mans honour

 

 **Least Favourite Son** changed **The Real JYP** ’s name to **Princess Peach**!

 

mr worldwide: i see ur trying ur best to live up to ur name

 

single mom: or down as the case may be

 

Least Favourite Son: (*sheds a single tear* emoji)

Least Favourite Son: no1 appreciates my sophsistificated humour

 

Princess Peach: why bother dragging someone when they can just do it themselves

 

 

**> (lipstick kiss emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(yellow heart emoji)(green heart emoji) yb project (blue heart emoji)(purple heart emoji)(two hearts emoji)(One Hundred Emoji) (2)**

 

**12:30 AM**

**Kunpimook ‘Genius’ Bhuwakul** changed their name to **eastside**!

 

eastside: im rescinding my own title he didnt even get petty ive Failed U

 

westside: i mean….. he got petty

 

eastside: that was practically a compliment and u kno it

 

westside: lmao truuuuuuuu

westside: idk maybe u just need to go harder kick it up a notch

westside: Turn Up

 

eastside: omg stop

eastside: u only like that mini album bc i look hot in it

 

westside: bamie i busted s o many nuts 2 u shirtless in that fur coat

westside: nd then the turn up mv ….. the red hair the contacts ur LIPS

westside: if ur saying this 2 try 2 shame me u have a big storm comin

 

eastside: eiuoeghksg

eastside: WHY arent u free tonight to tell me more abt how hot i am (*sheds a single tear* emoji)(tongue emoji)(water droplet emoji)

 

westside: sry babe kook would kill me overwatch waits 4 no man

westside: or nut

westside: back 2 the point u gotta pull out the Big Guns

 

eastside: but what R the big guns

eastside: stop i kno ur flexing right now those dont count

 

westside: idk then

westside: the nation’s first gay crush?

 

eastside: a) issa compliment???? b) boringly true

eastside: Wait

eastside: i have … a Concept

 

westside: (Eyes Emoji) here we Go

 

 

**> morning kimchun :) (7)**

 

**12:39 AM**

Least Favourite Son: sup my dudes its honour defense time part 2 the remix

 

JEFF: oh my god

 

 **Least Favourite Son** changed **Princess Peach** ’s name to (rose emoji)(cherry blossom emoji) **~bambamies precious dongsaeng~** (cherry blossom emoji)(rose emoji)!

 

 **fuck you jinyoung** has removed **Least Favourite Son (Bambam Kunpimook Bhuwakul)** from **morning kimchun :)**!

 

mr worldwide: OH MY GDO

 

(rose emoji)(cherry blossom emoji)~bambamies precious dongsaeng~(cherry blossom emoji)(rose emoji): @yugyeom keep this up and youll have jackson beat in the rankings…. my son

 

 

**> (lipstick kiss emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(yellow heart emoji)(green heart emoji) yb project (blue heart emoji)(purple heart emoji)(two hearts emoji)(One Hundred Emoji) (2)**

 

**12:40 AM**

**eastside** changed the chat name to **TOP 10 ANIME BETRAYALS**!

 

eastside: kIM YUGYEOM

eastside: I CABNOT BELIEVE

eastside: THERES ONLY ROOM FOR ONE (1) SNAKE IN THIS CHAT AND ITS ALREADY IN MY ACTUAL NAME

✔︎ Seen by westside at 12:40 AM

 

**12:45 AM**

eastside: K IM YUGYEOM

 

**2:16 AM**

westside: (upside-down face emoji)

westside: hiss hiss motherfucker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you next week~~~~


	8. baby i, i love you (i do)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Yugyeom Fanclub President** : yall did u kno the irish call santa daidì na nollaig ... daddy of christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY 2018 EVERYBIRDY THIS CHRISTMAS CHAPTER IS PRETTY MUCH IRRELEVANT NOW BUT I WROTE IT & IT’S YOURS SO,, PLS ENJOY ♡ / half this author’s note is Outdated buuuut it’s what i had written for this chap therefore its time for u all to sit through it! here goes  
> \--
> 
> rest in peace jonghyun. you mattered to me, you mattered to all of us. thank you. you lived well.
> 
> welcome to our first Big Timeskip (lotsa nickname changes ooOOoo) bc i’m referencing real life and how long it’s been!!! merry chrysler icb it took me weeks to write this !!! also welcome to our first chapter set in the past sjghjsgh pretend i managed to post this on dec 20 like i meant to
> 
> Big Thanks to all of u for reading this fic and commenting and kudosing i appreciate all of u so much!! special thanks 2 sorcha for being the Best!! happy holidays + happy new year!!! and, not to be too serious (esp in this completely unserious chatfic), but: the dark places are never insurmountable, i promise - i’ve been there half my life, to be honest i’m still there, yet i’m still here. find the little things to live for, take every day as it comes, talk to your friends/a counselor/a therapist, be there for each other. we’ll be okay, guys. i love you all. ♡♡♡

**> the most secretive of santas (7)**

 

**6:34 AM**

**jackson stop changing the chatname i swear to god** changed their name to **mariah carey sunbaenim**!

 

mariah carey sunbaenim: PRESENTS PRESENTS PRESENTS PRESENTS

mariah carey sunbaenim: ITS GIFT REVEAL DAY

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President: i left mine on my santees bed alrdy

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President: isnt that wht we agreed 2 do

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President: or like on their shoes on the rack if there s ppl in the bed or wtvr

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President: ughgh jacks hyung its too earlyyYYYyyyyyy lemme SLEEp

 

grinchmas: hey do any of u want a bambam burrito he stole all my fuckign sheets

grinchmas: my bf is a SNAKE and im turnig into a snowman

 

santa oppa: …………... bamrito

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder: honey no

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder: **@grinchmas** Its What You Deserve

 

grinchmas: wow thx hyung always nice 2 know im loved

 

youngjaesus: @bambam yes we agreed to put gifts on beds or shoes youre right

youngjaesus: i just think u might be the first person to do that for the first time

youngjaesus: hyungs is the world supposed to end in 2018 bambams punctuality is giving me a crisis of faith

 

mariah carey sunbaenim: dw babe bambam is only on time when he wants 2 shit disturb

mariah carey sunbaenim: its probably an embarrassing / shocking gift for a prudish santee

 

santa oppa: hey bambam quick question why the Fuck is there a dildo on my bed

 

mariah carey sunbaenim: And There It Is

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President: just thought u needed to ….. .…. loosen up this christmas………… if u knw what i mean (smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)

 

Mark Tuan: lol

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder: aight bambam quick question do you REALLY think i dont top

 

youngjaesus: LOL

 

santa oppa: Bigger Question why is this thing flesh coloured

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President: i ordered it bald just like u (angel emoji)

 

Mark Tuan: LMAO

 

 

**7:12 AM**

youngjaesus: dear my secret santa: thank u (???) but please pm me i have. some Questions

 

 

**> the better maknaes (2)**

 

**7:13 AM**

dancing baby: ho ho ho haws itsa me mario (claus)

 

genius hyung: your worst freestyle yet… amazing...show-stopping

 

dancing baby: Listen

 

genius hyung: also, on topic: five different lipsticks + matching panties… this seems extra even for u

 

dancing baby: Listen x 2

dancing baby: ik ur not rly into the panties n lipsticks thing but i stole jacks hyungs phone last week when mine was dead & hell never ask but he wants 2 b pretty

dancing baby: Merry Dickmas Thank Me Later

 

 **genius hyung** changed **dancing baby** ’s name to **angel baby**!

 

angel baby: ill take it

 

 

**> the most secretive of santas (7)**

 

**8:28 AM**

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President: **@Mark Tuan** hyung thank u i owe u my life…. my skin is clear my crops are flourishing my baby boy is wearing CAT EARS

 

grinchmas: this is the best gift anyone has ever given me

grinchmas: theres a MATCHING PLUSHIE im

grinchmas: its like a fansign but its MINE and i get to KEEP IT

 

 **Mark Tuan** changed their name to **yugyeom’s biggest fan**!

 

yugyeom’s biggest fan: **@grinchmas**  (sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(sparkling heart emoji) love you maknae

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President: oh no hes c rying fuck hes SO CUTE

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President: my name is a lie jy hyung im not strong enoguh

 

 **Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub President** changed their name to **Yugyeom Fanclub President**!

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder: weakling

 

santa oppa: lmao don’t listen to him he’s crying too

 

 

**> beauty  & brains (2)**

 

**8:35 AM**

**beauty** changed **brains** ’s name to **nerd**!

 

nerd: what did i do to deserve this slander

 

beauty: stop pretending youre capable of bullying yugyeom he looked at u with the cat ears on and u turned redder than my hair

 

nerd: You Got Me There

 

beauty: also thanks u fuckin nerd

beauty: jae & jacks will Appreciate this flavoured condom variety pack n so will i (smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)(smirking face emoji)

 

nerd: Never send me that emoji Ever Again or i Will sue you for emotional damages

 

beauty: love u 2 kiddo

 

 

**> JACKBAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (2)**

 

**10:02 AM**

BAM: hyung im crying this collar is the most beautiful thign ive ever owned

BAM: pastel pink…… BELONGS TO KIM YUGYEOM …….. im

BAM: i owe u my Life

 

JACK: (sparkling heart emoji) ur welcome bb u Deserve it

JACK: gyeoms still in our room if u wanna surprise him

 

BAM: eta 5 min u might wanna leave Real soon

 

 

**> the most secretive of santas (7)**

 

**10:16 AM**

mariah carey sunbaenim: k i love u nerds or whatever but

mariah carey sunbaenim: whomst got me PROTEIN and why am i the only 1 who got a useless gift

mariah carey sunbaenim: except jinyoung

 

youngjaesus: Excuse U those candles are THREE-WICK nd were selected w tender love n care!!!!

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder:

 

youngjaesus: ₩1000 for the Trying To Be Cool jar

youngjaesus: discounted rate bc i love u too

 

santa oppa: **@mariah carey sunbaenim** surprise it was me

santa oppa: you don’t get to complain unless you can truthfully say that “HIT THE GYM N GET RIPPED” isn’t #1 on your list of new year’s resolutions

 

mariah carey sunbaenim: … thx hyung for ur kindness and generosity

 

santa oppa: you’re always ripped already but you write it every year i don’t understand

 

youngjaesus: i for one appreciate ur efforts babe,,, never change

 

 

**> and sexy (2)**

 

**10:19 AM**

chic: sseun-ah

chic: check under your pillow

 

wild: what

 

**10:25 AM**

wild: DID Y OU REALYL MAKE M E A SCRAPBOOK

wild: RE THESE ALL PICTURES FRMO YOUR CAMERA

wild: OH MY GOD PREDEBUT PICTUERS

wild: HYUNG IS THIS POETRY DID U WRITE IT ABOUT US I LOEV YOU

wild: IM CRYING IN THE CLBU

 

chic: we’re at the dorms ??? or at least you Better be i promised manager hyung we wouldn’t go clubbing before new year’s

chic: ok clearly you’re here because i can literally see your tears why are you narrating yoursgbs,

 

 

**> the most secretive of santas (7)**

 

**10:31 AM**

youngjaesus: heads up jackson hyung is crying all over jb hyung in the living room

youngjaesus: don’t go in if you value ur life or snotfree shirts

 

mariah carey sunbaenim: PROTEIN 4 LIF E

 

 

**> the better maknaes (2)**

 

**11:46 PM**

genius hyung: it’s later and im thanking you

 

angel baby: awesome pls never tell me detasjgk

 

genius hyung: hello bambam

 

angel baby: I KIM YUGYEMO LIED TELL ME EVERYTHIGN

angel baby: wait whta is this rude ass gc name

 

genius hyung: goodbye bambam

 

 

**> the most secretive of santas (7)**

 

**11:53 PM**

Yugyeom Fanclub President: yall did u kno the irish call santa daidì na nollaig ... daddy of christmas

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder: how would you even pronounce that wtf i thought english was bad

 

mariah carey sunbaenim: more Importantly we could all learn a lot from the irish

 

 

**> (lipstick kiss emoji)(sparkling heart emoji)(yellow heart emoji)(green heart emoji) TOP 10 ANIME REUNIONS (blue heart emoji)(purple heart emoji)(two hearts emoji)(One Hundred Emoji) (2)**

 

**11:55 PM**

**eastside** changed **westside** 's name to **christmas daddy**!

 

christmas daddy: bamie why

christmas daddy: am i not daddy year round

 

eastside: LMAO U WISH BABYBOY

eastside: thought we could switch it up 4 christmas tho

eastside: now cum over n unwrap ur present (kissy face emoji)

 

christmas daddy: its dec 20th????

 

eastside: (its me. im ur present)

 

christmas daddy: Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why yes bambam and jinyoung’s main gc names Are related to last chapter’s failed roast / Epic Betrayal how did u know :- )
> 
> also for those who may b wondering, THE PRESENTS, in order:  
> bambam > jb: flesh-coloured dildo (classy)  
> yugyeom > youngjae: 5 different lipsticks + matching panties (for jackson, ultimately)  
> mark > yugyeom: cat ears & plushie (FURRY BROS)  
> jinyoung > mark: High End variety pack of flavoured lube & condoms  
> jackson > bambam: pastel pink collar embossed w ‘BELONGS TO KIM YUGYEOM’ (this was alllll sorcha)  
> youngjae > jinyoung: THREE-WICK bath & bodyworks candles  
> jb > jackson: protein But More Importantly, the jackbum scrapbook of Love and Friendship
> 
> my posting schedule is gonna be more like once a week from now on sorry y’all my schedule this semester is a bitch ! xoxo gossip ahgase


	9. rock ’n’ roll modu da on momeuro neukkyeobwa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **2:38 PM**  
>  **social papillon** : good mornign everybody its Throwback Thursday
> 
> **Mark Tuan** : oh boy
> 
> **Yugyeom Fanclub President** : OH BOY
> 
> **:3c** : oh No
> 
> **Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder** : its afternoon??  
>  **Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder** : and also sunday???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! wow! my full courseload + part-time job are leaving me with absolutely No chapter ideas! posting schedule whomst idk her :^) anyway please enjoy this tiny shitty chapter & send me good vibes a bitch is really dying out here
> 
> p.s. sorry if it isn’t sunday where u r it’s sunday for Me and that’s what matters

**> SHUT UP I’M NOT BALDING (7)**

 

**2:38 PM**

social papillon: good mornign everybody its Throwback Thursday

 

Mark Tuan: oh boy

 

Yugyeom Fanclub President: OH BOY

 

:3c: oh No

 

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder: its afternoon??

Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder: and also sunday???

 

social papillon:

 

jungkook but hotter: S M A S H

 

**social papillon** changed the chat name to **NO ONE RIDES FOR FREE**!

**social papillon** changed **:3c** ’s name to **DSQUARED**!

**social papillon** changed **Mark Tuan** ’s name to **GAS**!

**social papillon** changed their name to **CASH**!

**social papillon** changed **Anti-Yugyeom Fanclub Founder** ’s name to **ASS**!

 

ASS: i want to be mad but it seems like youve put actual thought into this

 

**GAS** changed their name to **Mark Tuan**!

 

Mark Tuan: i think the fuck Not

 

CASH: (disappointed face emoji) ur no fun

 

DSQUARED: good afternoon.

DSQUARED: i made this group chat to keep us connected since we’re so often apart

DSQUARED: because i love you all and also because i couldn’t handle 6 separate chats my phone was crashing all the time

DSQUARED: and i Know that you all know this

DSQUARED: so why exactly is it that all y’all use this chat for is Remembering JB’s Dark Past

 

CASH: damn

CASH: i almost felt bad 4 like half a second lol

CASH: n e way who wants to rewatch [tht one jjp shoe commercial](https://twitter.com/defgiraffe/status/942617988951240704)

 

youngjaesus: where are u babe i’ve got dried squid

 

jungkook but hotter: BAM N I ARECOMING 2 THE DORM

 

**DSQUARED** changed the chat name to **i hate this fucking family**!

 

Yugyeom Fanclub President: but daddyyyyy (*sheds a single tear* emoji)

 

**ASS** has removed **Yugyeom Fanclub President (Bambam Kunpimook Bhuwakul)** from **i hate this fucking family**!

 

ASS: Not On My Watch

 

jungkook but hotter: yes babyboy?

jungkook but hotter: OH SHKT THAT SEN T LATE ISMGF

 

CASH: IM CHOKI NG

 

**DSQUARED** has removed **jungkook but hotter (Kim Yugyeom)** from **i hate this fucking family**!

 

DSQUARED: Anyway.

 

CASH: (Eyes Emoji) (Eyes Emoji) (Eyes Emoji)

 

**4:55 PM**

DSQUARED: hey youngie

 

ASS: yes oppa?

ASS: FUKC THIS IS NOT PM

 

Mark Tuan: LMAO

 

**ASS (Park Jinyoung)** has left **i hate this fucking family**!

**DSQUARED (Lim Jaebeom)** has left **i hate this fucking family**!

 

youngjaesus: im fucking sobibng

 

**CASH** changed the chat name to **JARKJAE RISE**!

 

youngjaesus: tjis is the best day o fmy life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s/o to [chris @defgiraffe](https://twitter.com/defgiraffe), my favourite fellow canadian, for their ‘ancient jjp video’ thread i am grateful Every Day ♡ also s/o to [sorcha](https://twitter.com/jaebumisbald) As Always for the bants & the Love. the next chapter will happen at some nebulous point in the future i have exhausted my drafts so Issa Mystery
> 
> thanks got7 for always providing that good gay content & i’ll see y’all when i see you ;-*

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jjgyeomie) for more hot ahgamemes ✧


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